Into The Wild: Frozen in Time; Acknowledge How Important the Times Were.

Into The Wild: Frozen in Time; 

Acknowledge How Important the Times Were

Can't remember who 'gifted' me this frame?

Can’t remember who ‘gifted’ me this frame?

Substance. That’s what I was missing. A ‘good girl’ who got lost and didn’t know what to do with her life. Living really, day-to-day for my own enjoyment. But I did.not.know. When we don’t know, we don’t know.

My saving grace, in retrospect, was relocating to Nashville, TN. Nashville is where I found myself, who I could be. Finding a good group of like-minded friends and a great church changed my life. Gradually and with fervent prayer, I became someone I liked. Dare I say, really liked?

But let me tell you, it was a journey.  Nashville is chock full of churches. The first one I walked into – well – it was less than stellar. That’s for another time.  Otter Creek Church of Christ and Bobby Harrington, the minister, made the difference. Listening to every.single.word. So very grateful for that time of learning and pruning. Yes, not everyone who attends church can be kind, but so many are kind and loving, and more than make-up for those who are not.

Nashville, Tennessee

Bobby and Cindy Harrington

One of the best books I ever invested in, “The Complete Book of Christian Prayer” along with anything from Oswald Chambers are great devotionals. On November 25, 1996 (yes, I’m that old!) the series Purity of Heart is when my transformation began.

Prayer #575 from “The Complete Book of Christian Prayer”

Almighty God, in whom we live and move and have our being, thou hast made us for thyself, so that our hearts are restless until they find rest in thee; grant us purity of heart and strength of purpose, that no selfish passion may hinder us from knowing thy will, no weakness from doing it; but in thy light may we see light, and in thy service find perfect freedom; through Jesus Christ our Lord.

from St. Augustine, 354-430

My parents always told me I was the most beautiful, most talented with the ability to do anything. I believed them. This confidence made me brave enough to try anything, Seeing God in their eyes, their behavior made all the difference for me. Not only did I have their ‘net’   I had God’s.

Was it easy? Not always. Was it worth it?  Oh, yes.

Next up: Facing WHY were they so important?

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Rule #14 Be the Same Person in the Dark as You are in the Light of Day.

In my late twenties — just last year :) — friends, co-workers would say to me “you always look in such peace”.  I always answered, yes I am, didn’t even know enough to know I was not in complete peace. 

*Disclaimer: Because of my parents, because I have ALWAYS had a net, a good foundation and belief system, there is a peace within me that has never gone away, one that never will.

But at peace? No. There was a lot of turmoil within, and who knows maybe that comes with our youth?  My outsides did not match my insides.  Have you ever been in this position?

I NEVER ever really said OUT LOUD my own truth.  Accomplishing good things, but at what cost?

As the ‘perfect’ child, of course I was the ‘perfect’ grown-up.  Said everything I was supposed to say, wore the proper clothes, shoes, etc., etc., etc.  You get the idea.

Of course, I was thin.  Isn’t that the goal? At home I was binging and purging.  No one knew, Dee Ann, my ‘middle sister’ suspected, she asked Mother, Mother asked me.  “Of course not” came my reply.

I was perfect, that could not be. Deny, deny, deny.

Dee Ann Howell  — McClain girls LOVE the telephone — always!


By this time I was in Nashville, Tn., swiftly moving to my long-term goal of entertainment public relations.

Finalizing the interview for my first job as PR Director and as example, instructed by  the hospital director not to dress up so much for work! (I had on a silk dress and pearls. Nashville was a different ‘beat’ from Dallas!)

I was miserable on the inside, looked oh, so fabulous on the outside.  UNTIL I decided to try therapy, real therapy.  YIKES.

In the throws of therapy, still looking the part, I was in terror inside crying all the time.  One night I was talking to my parents and didn’t think they were ‘hearing me’ so I SCREAMED #$$%^&.  Why was that my release word?  I don’t know, but it was.  THIS is just one of the many reasons I love(d) my parents so much.  They did not say one thing, they waited until I could continue talking, calmer.

You see, I had never told them I was date raped in college. This secret was carried for way too long, to my own detriment.

Because I DID the work In therapy, I couldn’t keep secrets or hide my real self any longer.  For a very long time I had no filter.  (Believe it or not, I DO have a filter now. Some of you are terrified about this, others laughing loudly!)

The very best thing that happened for me is learning to be the same inside and out.

Once I became true to myself, everything else started falling into place.  God’s timing has always been perfect in my life. This was no exception.

Now, following two horrendous years, my outsides don’t match my insides. But it’s being fixed, one day at a time. It’s a slow process but I can’t trade the journey, because it makes me who I am today.  May I tell you I love who I am?   I enjoy my own company!

Complete peace makes the difference.  Once we are at peace inside, nothing can stop us.  Nothing will shatter us.  Work, play, family time, you might break my heart but break me?  No, I know who I am. I wish the same for you.

Authentic Grace will be a piece of cake.

Friends have seen me through thick and thin! But above all Ron Greene, my nephew, has seen me through it all, when I need him, he is here.  24/7, never wavering in his support.  He is NOT perfect, thankfully, but he is the perfect nephew…..always.  Nothing he does will change my love for him. Nothing.

Ron & Brandy during his birthday dinner last week!

best ron and brandy

I am thankful and blessed.  I wish the same for you.
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