Frozen in Time: Discover what you love most.

I love you. There, I said it. I Love you.

We don’t say it enough. Reminded of a former paramour (NOT illicit) ended his very first call to me with “I Love You.”

It wasn’t two seconds, he called back with a bon mot ending his call “See you later, Buddy.”

He was probably dumbstruck by what he’d said previously. Heaven forbid I’d believe him.

It was all funny to me.  Did I think he was IN LOVE with me? Of course not. It was a sentiment he felt in the moment after a great conversation. His fear was real. Heaven forbid might “LIKE” him or worse “LOVE” him. It’s sad to me so many feel this way about the words “I love you”.

If we weren’t so afraid of what might happen, what WOULD happen? What COULD happen? Well, for starters we might diminish the hate mongering we see so much these days. It’s really exhausting, to read about so much hate. Can’t imagine what it’s like for the haters, how does one’s heart hold that much hate?

Safely, I can say to you I do not hate anyone. Life is too short. Don’t hate those who lie to me – and believe me when I tell you I’ve had a little too much of that lately.

One should never mistake our kindness, my kindness for stupidity.

IF we hate anyone, anyone at all, we are among the haters. That’s where I never want to find myself, how about you?

Let’s have great conversations and tell each other “I love you” before we hang up. Isn’t this a lovely thought?  It is to me.

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Frozen in Time: Change your Thinking and … Can I? Will I? Have I?…

 

Can't remember who 'gifted' me this frame?

Can’t remember who ‘gifted’ me this frame?  It broke in two several years ago. #GodsTimingisPerfect

Changing my thinking was gradual, and in reality, it kind of snuck up on me. My environment changed, friends changed I changed. Isn’t growing and learning fun? Sometimes. Sometimes not. Mine was a smattering of both.

To those who know me well, you know it was an extremely difficult transition, moving to Conway, Arkansas from Nashville, Tn. Do I regret it? Not for one minute. On the other side of this now, beyond blessed. It’s my prayer my journey to change will help someone else.

We’ve talked about the laughs and the fun. The feeling of making a difference has always been important to me too. Did I? It’s my hope the answer is yes. Still fiercely loyal to those I love, my Nashville relationships remain – the ones that matter.

We probably lost the card game, but it was great fun.

We probably lost the card game, but it was great fun.

Pieces of the transition that don’t matter? Learning how to deal with small-town companies. Example: Initially I traveled between Nashville and Conway every three to six weeks. Trying to make an appointment for anything was impossible. “Just call when you get home and we will come out.” what? WHAT? yes. Who’d of thunk? It.Made.Me.Crazy. Seque 2018: Needed an upstairs AC Unit, Emmons Heating & Air has the code to my house, they are a most trusted company, even found other companies equally trustworthy. #JokesonMe

Three years ago I was really, really sick. So sick one Sunday I could not even walk. It was after my Mother died and my sisters had chosen to remove me from their lives Bless Paris Broyles she saved my heart that day and is still very dear to me. I trust her with anything. ANYTHING. That day, really thought I was dying. Called Paris and she was here in less than a minute. Her generosity of time to me still brings me to tears.

One of my favorite photos of Paris.

One of my favorite photos of Paris.

Now? Story after story of ways others have helped me grow, out of gratefulness and then humility.

People have ‘left’ my life before, I’ve left others. Some were painful, some easy, needed.

John 15:2 says “He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, and every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes to make it even more fruitful.”

Kelly Shipp's "Ice Blue"

Kelly Shipp’s “Ice Blue”

This has been my life’s journey for the past years; My thinking has changed because it needed to in many ways. Today, if someone says something about me to another that is not true, I don’t feel the need to correct them. It’s not my issue.

There is no one else I want to be. I am enough. Sounds trite, but it’s not. Could easily find myself all ‘up’ in the #MeToo movement or any other current ’cause celebre’.

There IS lots of Fake News out there, but there is also good journalism. I feel blessed to know the differences.

Do I still like hearing fun and funny stories of those on the ‘main stage’?  Of course. Yet, I have changed what I say, read, talk and discuss. And I slip up every.single.day. I’m a work in progress. Hope I always will be.

Post #Seven is: Change what you SAY, read, watch and discuss.

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Frozen in Time: Forgive Yourself.

FInally! I’ve forgiven myself.fullsizeoutput_2cb4

To say it’s taken me a long time to ‘forgive myself’ is an understatement.  I can say this now, I’m past beating myself up. 

Today: I got this purse in the mail from Sherry Shaw Felts.  Sherry is a school teacher, and during summers she worked with our family to help with my Mother. 

Backstory:

Working as PR Director for an addiction treatment hospital gave me tools to be ‘healthy’.  Combined with therapy it is “HALT” that I say if I get HUNGRY; ANGRY; LONELY or TIRED. ANGER came to me too much. Looking back jealously was a big part of the ANGER. The craziest part of the jealousy is that I usually had everything I ever wanted. I’ve also been the ‘victim’ of jealousy, and it’s not fun.  So why couldn’t I learn from this? I’m not sure, today I’m happy to say I don’t live with jealousy, and am rarely angry.

Early on, backstage at an awards show came face-to-face with an artist whose conversation with me could not be ignored.  He made a very bigoted statement to me that I immediately addressed, and it was much needed. Those confrontations are important, and it’s my prayer I will always be able to KINDLY confront someone who degrades another because of the color of their skin.

There is a difference in good anger and inappropriate anger. Early on, it was hard to differentiate. When I knew my words might get ahead of my anger, I had a LOOK. It wasn’t pretty, but that was my way of keeping my mouth shut.

THEN – someone did it to me. YIKES. That night knew I could never do that to another again. Had to apologize to Sherry.  Yes, I’d done it to someone I really cared about — reasons do not matter.  It’s just not okay.

Sherry was gracious and we’ve remained friends, thankfully. Then today, this handbag came in the mail. Can you even imagine how thrilled I was to receive this?  

Turquoise is one of my very favorite colors. Cannot tell you how long I’ve wanted a turquoise purse. This cannot be a more perfect symbol to me of how, when both parties care about friend or familial relationships it remains ‘through thick and thin”.

It’s called adulting. Maybe I finally ‘get’ it?  

It matters who we surround ourselves with, and while I still have times when I want to scream or blow up (yes, I do.) I haven’t done this in a very long time.  

Recently someone really hurt my feelings. I SO wanted to discuss with her but held my tongue. Waited and prayed that I would not behave in a way that would just ‘hurt her’ too. Did I survive the ‘dis’? Of course. 

As humans, we either react out of fear or love. Today its love that drives me. There is not one modicum of hate or anger in me. It’s been a long process, and sometimes rocky, it’s friends like Sherry Shaw Felts who make it worth it. 

My heart is full.


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