Frozen in Time: Forgive Yourself.

FInally! I’ve forgiven myself.fullsizeoutput_2cb4

To say it’s taken me a long time to ‘forgive myself’ is an understatement.  I can say this now, I’m past beating myself up. 

Today: I got this purse in the mail from Sherry Shaw Felts.  Sherry is a school teacher, and during summers she worked with our family to help with my Mother. 

Backstory:

Working as PR Director for an addiction treatment hospital gave me tools to be ‘healthy’.  Combined with therapy it is “HALT” that I say if I get HUNGRY; ANGRY; LONELY or TIRED. ANGER came to me too much. Looking back jealously was a big part of the ANGER. The craziest part of the jealousy is that I usually had everything I ever wanted. I’ve also been the ‘victim’ of jealousy, and it’s not fun.  So why couldn’t I learn from this? I’m not sure, today I’m happy to say I don’t live with jealousy, and am rarely angry.

Early on, backstage at an awards show came face-to-face with an artist whose conversation with me could not be ignored.  He made a very bigoted statement to me that I immediately addressed, and it was much needed. Those confrontations are important, and it’s my prayer I will always be able to KINDLY confront someone who degrades another because of the color of their skin.

There is a difference in good anger and inappropriate anger. Early on, it was hard to differentiate. When I knew my words might get ahead of my anger, I had a LOOK. It wasn’t pretty, but that was my way of keeping my mouth shut.

THEN – someone did it to me. YIKES. That night knew I could never do that to another again. Had to apologize to Sherry.  Yes, I’d done it to someone I really cared about — reasons do not matter.  It’s just not okay.

Sherry was gracious and we’ve remained friends, thankfully. Then today, this handbag came in the mail. Can you even imagine how thrilled I was to receive this?  

Turquoise is one of my very favorite colors. Cannot tell you how long I’ve wanted a turquoise purse. This cannot be a more perfect symbol to me of how, when both parties care about friend or familial relationships it remains ‘through thick and thin”.

It’s called adulting. Maybe I finally ‘get’ it?  

It matters who we surround ourselves with, and while I still have times when I want to scream or blow up (yes, I do.) I haven’t done this in a very long time.  

Recently someone really hurt my feelings. I SO wanted to discuss with her but held my tongue. Waited and prayed that I would not behave in a way that would just ‘hurt her’ too. Did I survive the ‘dis’? Of course. 

As humans, we either react out of fear or love. Today its love that drives me. There is not one modicum of hate or anger in me. It’s been a long process, and sometimes rocky, it’s friends like Sherry Shaw Felts who make it worth it. 

My heart is full.


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Into The Wild: Frozen in Time with Jack Hanna

Jack and Suzi Hanna with Julie

Hanna fam
Jack and Suzi 
Jack and Suzi

Visit JackHanna.com

Last night I saw a client and old friend Jack Hanna. It’s my first time to not be behind the scenes for any artist or show. Was it hard?  Not as much as I expected. He IS such a great guy, terrific father and husband, and that has not changed. It was actually a very endearing time for me.

Can’t even remember all the animals I’ve held, thanks to Jack and his assistants. Suzie (not Suzi, his wife!) has been with him longer than I’ve known him and she was with him last night, along with a few others, all new. If you’ve seen him on Letterman or James Cordon or any other shows, he just has that ‘it’ factor.  Top that with his deep down kindness to all, well he IS one of the Good Guys! Read his books for great fun and to get to know him a bit. You won’t be disappointed.

How do we enjoy our past without looking back with envy for where we were, what we had? I’m not sure, but I plan to find out.  Remember Lot’s wife?  She looked back and she became a pillar of salt, frozen in time.

GotQuestions.org tells us The Hebrew for “pillar” refers to a garrison or a deputy, that is, something set to watch over something else. The image of Lot’s wife standing watch over the Dead Sea area—where to this day no life can exist—is a poignant reminder to us not to look back or turn back from the profession of faith we have made, but to follow Christ without hesitation and abide in His love (Luke 17:32).

Every.single.time. I do what is right God covers me.  It may not be how I choose at the time but thankfully is revealed to me later on.

So, how do you move on?  How do I move on?  With no desire to be a pillar of salt, let’s explore this, shall we?

My next posts will be to explore moving on with you.  Painful, but necessary.

  1. FACE your feelings.
  2. Acknowledge how important the times were.
  3. FACE why they are/were so important.
  4. SAY it out loud to a friend, someone who loved you then, loves you now.
  5. FORGIVE yourself.
  6. CHANGE your thinking.
  7. Change what you SAY, read, watch and discuss.
  8. Discover what you love most.
  9. Find your Center; your peace.
  10. What are you hungry for?

Look forward to your thoughts, and any ideas you can share about your journey to the center.

PEACE.

 


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Our Words, Our Actions Will Make a Difference

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Marjie Johnson McGraw

We don’t send one another gifts, we are probably at opposite ends of the ‘pole’ on many issues.  Many issues that is except what it means to be a friend.

Marjie is a friend to me in every sense of the word.  If you read my recent post about the ABUNDANCE OF FRIENDSHIPS on the Arkansas Women Bloggers site:

http://arkansaswomenbloggers.com/beautiful-abundance-gift-friendship/  

Remember the question Doug Smith asked?

“Is there anything I can do to make your life easier?”

I was humbled. It was something I will, obviously never forget. His quote and so many others changed me.

There are the Doug Smiths of this world, those working tirelessly to help so many others; and then there are the Marjie McGraws. Grateful to have both in my life.

Marjie is quiet, unassuming and always making my life easier.  She has never been unavailable when I’ve needed her — through both our years as new business owners and later, as we became the main caregivers for our parents.

 Marjie is a friend through THICK AND THIN!  To coin a phrase from Gloria Gaither’s book of the same name……

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She is there – now the only one of us still lucky enough to have her Mother.  She has always understood my need  for conversations of substance in good and bad times.

She is one of a kind.  She ‘gets’ it. She is Important to me.

For the remainder of December I want to share more about those in my life who are threaded through the fabric of who I am. Want them to know what they mean to me,  we can all learn from their behavior as friends…..

and BTW — this is the ONLY photo I can find of Marjie — and she will probably kill me for posting — but I must. Marjie has made the difference in my life.

Next up?  Stay tuned.

Thank you for reading.