Frozen in Time: Forgive Yourself.

FInally! I’ve forgiven myself.fullsizeoutput_2cb4

To say it’s taken me a long time to ‘forgive myself’ is an understatement.  I can say this now, I’m past beating myself up. 

Today: I got this purse in the mail from Sherry Shaw Felts.  Sherry is a school teacher, and during summers she worked with our family to help with my Mother. 

Backstory:

Working as PR Director for an addiction treatment hospital gave me tools to be ‘healthy’.  Combined with therapy it is “HALT” that I say if I get HUNGRY; ANGRY; LONELY or TIRED. ANGER came to me too much. Looking back jealously was a big part of the ANGER. The craziest part of the jealousy is that I usually had everything I ever wanted. I’ve also been the ‘victim’ of jealousy, and it’s not fun.  So why couldn’t I learn from this? I’m not sure, today I’m happy to say I don’t live with jealousy, and am rarely angry.

Early on, backstage at an awards show came face-to-face with an artist whose conversation with me could not be ignored.  He made a very bigoted statement to me that I immediately addressed, and it was much needed. Those confrontations are important, and it’s my prayer I will always be able to KINDLY confront someone who degrades another because of the color of their skin.

There is a difference in good anger and inappropriate anger. Early on, it was hard to differentiate. When I knew my words might get ahead of my anger, I had a LOOK. It wasn’t pretty, but that was my way of keeping my mouth shut.

THEN – someone did it to me. YIKES. That night knew I could never do that to another again. Had to apologize to Sherry.  Yes, I’d done it to someone I really cared about — reasons do not matter.  It’s just not okay.

Sherry was gracious and we’ve remained friends, thankfully. Then today, this handbag came in the mail. Can you even imagine how thrilled I was to receive this?  

Turquoise is one of my very favorite colors. Cannot tell you how long I’ve wanted a turquoise purse. This cannot be a more perfect symbol to me of how, when both parties care about friend or familial relationships it remains ‘through thick and thin”.

It’s called adulting. Maybe I finally ‘get’ it?  

It matters who we surround ourselves with, and while I still have times when I want to scream or blow up (yes, I do.) I haven’t done this in a very long time.  

Recently someone really hurt my feelings. I SO wanted to discuss with her but held my tongue. Waited and prayed that I would not behave in a way that would just ‘hurt her’ too. Did I survive the ‘dis’? Of course. 

As humans, we either react out of fear or love. Today its love that drives me. There is not one modicum of hate or anger in me. It’s been a long process, and sometimes rocky, it’s friends like Sherry Shaw Felts who make it worth it. 

My heart is full.


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Into The Wild: Frozen in Time; Acknowledge How Important the Times Were.

ACKNOWLEDGE HOW IMPORTANT THE TIMES WERE.

Part One

family photo

Love my good memories, and as we think about these memories it’s easy to see the small conversations/personal memories make the MOST difference. My relationships are and have always been paramount.

A Peek Into My HeartFelt Memories.

GRATUITIES

My Father tipped EVERYONE. EVERYONE. It embarrassed us. If someone he was with did not leave a fair tip he would always make it up to the server. We were taught if we could not leave the proper tip, we should not eat out. Gratuities were part of the cost.

NOW, I understand.

It made him Happy to Give. Now, when giving, I know how he felt. He was so very generous with everyone he met, yet he never took anything away from his family. I love this memory.

Louis Vuitton and Dollar Tree

We were a middle-class family.  Don’t know that we really KNEW it, but we were. My parents were Ying and Yang. My Father came from money, my Mother did not. They were married 43 years when he died. Throughout our lives, both my parents loved to shop. My Father insisted on always buying GOOD shoes. He was a very dapper ‘dresser’ – So, my Mother usually made all our clothes.And let me tell you, she rocked it. Especially with me.  Even today, wish I had a dressmaker. Far prefer well-made clothes to purchased clothing. Have kept one particular suit she made, I felt glorious every.single.time.I stepped out in that RED suit.

They taught me to love quality and enjoy the quest for a great sale. We were a family of shoppers, and if we didn’t find something for ourselves, we could always find something for someone else. An early blog post tells of my love for bargains and Louis Vuitton.                 This is my Ying and Yang! and it SO makes me smile~

— to be continued —

 


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Into The Wild: Frozen in Time with Jack Hanna

Jack and Suzi Hanna with Julie

Hanna fam
Jack and Suzi 
Jack and Suzi

Visit JackHanna.com

Last night I saw a client and old friend Jack Hanna. It’s my first time to not be behind the scenes for any artist or show. Was it hard?  Not as much as I expected. He IS such a great guy, terrific father and husband, and that has not changed. It was actually a very endearing time for me.

Can’t even remember all the animals I’ve held, thanks to Jack and his assistants. Suzie (not Suzi, his wife!) has been with him longer than I’ve known him and she was with him last night, along with a few others, all new. If you’ve seen him on Letterman or James Cordon or any other shows, he just has that ‘it’ factor.  Top that with his deep down kindness to all, well he IS one of the Good Guys! Read his books for great fun and to get to know him a bit. You won’t be disappointed.

How do we enjoy our past without looking back with envy for where we were, what we had? I’m not sure, but I plan to find out.  Remember Lot’s wife?  She looked back and she became a pillar of salt, frozen in time.

GotQuestions.org tells us The Hebrew for “pillar” refers to a garrison or a deputy, that is, something set to watch over something else. The image of Lot’s wife standing watch over the Dead Sea area—where to this day no life can exist—is a poignant reminder to us not to look back or turn back from the profession of faith we have made, but to follow Christ without hesitation and abide in His love (Luke 17:32).

Every.single.time. I do what is right God covers me.  It may not be how I choose at the time but thankfully is revealed to me later on.

So, how do you move on?  How do I move on?  With no desire to be a pillar of salt, let’s explore this, shall we?

My next posts will be to explore moving on with you.  Painful, but necessary.

  1. FACE your feelings.
  2. Acknowledge how important the times were.
  3. FACE why they are/were so important.
  4. SAY it out loud to a friend, someone who loved you then, loves you now.
  5. FORGIVE yourself.
  6. CHANGE your thinking.
  7. Change what you SAY, read, watch and discuss.
  8. Discover what you love most.
  9. Find your Center; your peace.
  10. What are you hungry for?

Look forward to your thoughts, and any ideas you can share about your journey to the center.

PEACE.

 


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