Frozen in Time: Change your Thinking and … Can I? Will I? Have I?…

 

Can't remember who 'gifted' me this frame?

Can’t remember who ‘gifted’ me this frame?  It broke in two several years ago. #GodsTimingisPerfect

Changing my thinking was gradual, and in reality, it kind of snuck up on me. My environment changed, friends changed I changed. Isn’t growing and learning fun? Sometimes. Sometimes not. Mine was a smattering of both.

To those who know me well, you know it was an extremely difficult transition, moving to Conway, Arkansas from Nashville, Tn. Do I regret it? Not for one minute. On the other side of this now, beyond blessed. It’s my prayer my journey to change will help someone else.

We’ve talked about the laughs and the fun. The feeling of making a difference has always been important to me too. Did I? It’s my hope the answer is yes. Still fiercely loyal to those I love, my Nashville relationships remain – the ones that matter.

We probably lost the card game, but it was great fun.

We probably lost the card game, but it was great fun.

Pieces of the transition that don’t matter? Learning how to deal with small-town companies. Example: Initially I traveled between Nashville and Conway every three to six weeks. Trying to make an appointment for anything was impossible. “Just call when you get home and we will come out.” what? WHAT? yes. Who’d of thunk? It.Made.Me.Crazy. Seque 2018: Needed an upstairs AC Unit, Emmons Heating & Air has the code to my house, they are a most trusted company, even found other companies equally trustworthy. #JokesonMe

Three years ago I was really, really sick. So sick one Sunday I could not even walk. It was after my Mother died and my sisters had chosen to remove me from their lives Bless Paris Broyles she saved my heart that day and is still very dear to me. I trust her with anything. ANYTHING. That day, really thought I was dying. Called Paris and she was here in less than a minute. Her generosity of time to me still brings me to tears.

One of my favorite photos of Paris.

One of my favorite photos of Paris.

Now? Story after story of ways others have helped me grow, out of gratefulness and then humility.

People have ‘left’ my life before, I’ve left others. Some were painful, some easy, needed.

John 15:2 says “He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, and every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes to make it even more fruitful.”

Kelly Shipp's "Ice Blue"

Kelly Shipp’s “Ice Blue”

This has been my life’s journey for the past years; My thinking has changed because it needed to in many ways. Today, if someone says something about me to another that is not true, I don’t feel the need to correct them. It’s not my issue.

There is no one else I want to be. I am enough. Sounds trite, but it’s not. Could easily find myself all ‘up’ in the #MeToo movement or any other current ’cause celebre’.

There IS lots of Fake News out there, but there is also good journalism. I feel blessed to know the differences.

Do I still like hearing fun and funny stories of those on the ‘main stage’?  Of course. Yet, I have changed what I say, read, talk and discuss. And I slip up every.single.day. I’m a work in progress. Hope I always will be.

Post #Seven is: Change what you SAY, read, watch and discuss.

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Frozen in Time: Forgive Yourself.

FInally! I’ve forgiven myself.fullsizeoutput_2cb4

To say it’s taken me a long time to ‘forgive myself’ is an understatement.  I can say this now, I’m past beating myself up. 

Today: I got this purse in the mail from Sherry Shaw Felts.  Sherry is a school teacher, and during summers she worked with our family to help with my Mother. 

Backstory:

Working as PR Director for an addiction treatment hospital gave me tools to be ‘healthy’.  Combined with therapy it is “HALT” that I say if I get HUNGRY; ANGRY; LONELY or TIRED. ANGER came to me too much. Looking back jealously was a big part of the ANGER. The craziest part of the jealousy is that I usually had everything I ever wanted. I’ve also been the ‘victim’ of jealousy, and it’s not fun.  So why couldn’t I learn from this? I’m not sure, today I’m happy to say I don’t live with jealousy, and am rarely angry.

Early on, backstage at an awards show came face-to-face with an artist whose conversation with me could not be ignored.  He made a very bigoted statement to me that I immediately addressed, and it was much needed. Those confrontations are important, and it’s my prayer I will always be able to KINDLY confront someone who degrades another because of the color of their skin.

There is a difference in good anger and inappropriate anger. Early on, it was hard to differentiate. When I knew my words might get ahead of my anger, I had a LOOK. It wasn’t pretty, but that was my way of keeping my mouth shut.

THEN – someone did it to me. YIKES. That night knew I could never do that to another again. Had to apologize to Sherry.  Yes, I’d done it to someone I really cared about — reasons do not matter.  It’s just not okay.

Sherry was gracious and we’ve remained friends, thankfully. Then today, this handbag came in the mail. Can you even imagine how thrilled I was to receive this?  

Turquoise is one of my very favorite colors. Cannot tell you how long I’ve wanted a turquoise purse. This cannot be a more perfect symbol to me of how, when both parties care about friend or familial relationships it remains ‘through thick and thin”.

It’s called adulting. Maybe I finally ‘get’ it?  

It matters who we surround ourselves with, and while I still have times when I want to scream or blow up (yes, I do.) I haven’t done this in a very long time.  

Recently someone really hurt my feelings. I SO wanted to discuss with her but held my tongue. Waited and prayed that I would not behave in a way that would just ‘hurt her’ too. Did I survive the ‘dis’? Of course. 

As humans, we either react out of fear or love. Today its love that drives me. There is not one modicum of hate or anger in me. It’s been a long process, and sometimes rocky, it’s friends like Sherry Shaw Felts who make it worth it. 

My heart is full.


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Into The Wild: Frozen in Time; Acknowledge How Important the Times Were.

ACKNOWLEDGE HOW IMPORTANT THE TIMES WERE.

Part One

family photo

Love my good memories, and as we think about these memories it’s easy to see the small conversations/personal memories make the MOST difference. My relationships are and have always been paramount.

A Peek Into My HeartFelt Memories.

GRATUITIES

My Father tipped EVERYONE. EVERYONE. It embarrassed us. If someone he was with did not leave a fair tip he would always make it up to the server. We were taught if we could not leave the proper tip, we should not eat out. Gratuities were part of the cost.

NOW, I understand.

It made him Happy to Give. Now, when giving, I know how he felt. He was so very generous with everyone he met, yet he never took anything away from his family. I love this memory.

Louis Vuitton and Dollar Tree

We were a middle-class family.  Don’t know that we really KNEW it, but we were. My parents were Ying and Yang. My Father came from money, my Mother did not. They were married 43 years when he died. Throughout our lives, both my parents loved to shop. My Father insisted on always buying GOOD shoes. He was a very dapper ‘dresser’ – So, my Mother usually made all our clothes.And let me tell you, she rocked it. Especially with me.  Even today, wish I had a dressmaker. Far prefer well-made clothes to purchased clothing. Have kept one particular suit she made, I felt glorious every.single.time.I stepped out in that RED suit.

They taught me to love quality and enjoy the quest for a great sale. We were a family of shoppers, and if we didn’t find something for ourselves, we could always find something for someone else. An early blog post tells of my love for bargains and Louis Vuitton.                 This is my Ying and Yang! and it SO makes me smile~

— to be continued —

 


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