#METOO Movement Hits Home…

… Finally been able to forgive myself.

October 4, 2018, The Today Show was covering the lastest #METOO revelation – it was Connie Chung’s voice. Chung reading a letter she’d written to the media about her rape. Her words, voice resonated with me as I woke. It was like a lightning bolt, remembering an incident long-forgotten – or not.

This was my post on Facebook October 4, 2018:  

#METOO Assaulted X2 – remember exactly where I was and what I was wearing. DO NOT remember dates. The first time, I told someone (female) the same night – crickets – didn’t tell the second time. Wonder Why?

1968 – Leaving home for college was exciting.  Naive, a ‘good girl’ and rule follower, didn’t have a clue about the ‘real world’…so when someone I barely knew trapped me in a car, shocked. He only stopped when someone began approaching the vehicle.  

When I told two others what happened a few hours later, they said NOTHING. Still, remember how awkward and embarrassed that I ‘told.’ Looking back I don’t think they knew what to do any more than I did. BUT NOTHING? YES.NOTHING. So, when it happened the second time I.TOLD.NOT.ONE.PERSON. I remember feeling embarrassed and ashamed. 

Writing this blog helped me remember the 2nd time. Finally said it ‘out loud’ to a male friend during one Sunday lunch.

Realizing my history helped me understand why I began my ‘crazy years,’ and it has also helped me to forgive myself.  Cannot begin to say what forgiving myself has meant for me. 

Is it any wonder my LLC is “Still Talking” because – Good or Bad – always ‘thought’ I owned my voice. Thankful for Parents who encouraged me to do so.

So many dreams deferred, and so many years wasted. I felt like trash. Thankfully my parents loved me through it all.   

Now?

Peace. Peace beyond understanding is what I now know. Finally, feel like I am who I was ‘meant to be.’ It’s about time. 

What is the lesson I’ve learned? My over-riding belief is love conquers everything. There is not one person I hate, and my goal is to be pure of heart.  Believe me,  have to work on it every.single.day. 

This will probably sound silly to some, but GOD is my best friend. If I stay close to Him, going to be just fine. 

How lucky can one girl be?

Someone I admire greatly wrote to me recently, asking What’s next?

Never really knew until now.

“Where One Day Ends, A New Day Begins”


facebook twitter linkedin

Need help?

Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area.

*If you have subscribed in error or would like to unsubscribe, please let me know. Thank you.

Frozen in Time: Change your Thinking and … Can I? Will I? Have I?…

 

Can't remember who 'gifted' me this frame?

Can’t remember who ‘gifted’ me this frame?  It broke in two several years ago. #GodsTimingisPerfect

Changing my thinking was gradual, and in reality, it kind of snuck up on me. My environment changed, friends changed I changed. Isn’t growing and learning fun? Sometimes. Sometimes not. Mine was a smattering of both.

To those who know me well, you know it was an extremely difficult transition, moving to Conway, Arkansas from Nashville, Tn. Do I regret it? Not for one minute. On the other side of this now, beyond blessed. It’s my prayer my journey to change will help someone else.

We’ve talked about the laughs and the fun. The feeling of making a difference has always been important to me too. Did I? It’s my hope the answer is yes. Still fiercely loyal to those I love, my Nashville relationships remain – the ones that matter.

We probably lost the card game, but it was great fun.

We probably lost the card game, but it was great fun.

Pieces of the transition that don’t matter? Learning how to deal with small-town companies. Example: Initially I traveled between Nashville and Conway every three to six weeks. Trying to make an appointment for anything was impossible. “Just call when you get home and we will come out.” what? WHAT? yes. Who’d of thunk? It.Made.Me.Crazy. Seque 2018: Needed an upstairs AC Unit, Emmons Heating & Air has the code to my house, they are a most trusted company, even found other companies equally trustworthy. #JokesonMe

Three years ago I was really, really sick. So sick one Sunday I could not even walk. It was after my Mother died and my sisters had chosen to remove me from their lives Bless Paris Broyles she saved my heart that day and is still very dear to me. I trust her with anything. ANYTHING. That day, really thought I was dying. Called Paris and she was here in less than a minute. Her generosity of time to me still brings me to tears.

One of my favorite photos of Paris.

One of my favorite photos of Paris.

Now? Story after story of ways others have helped me grow, out of gratefulness and then humility.

People have ‘left’ my life before, I’ve left others. Some were painful, some easy, needed.

John 15:2 says “He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, and every branch that does bear fruit, He prunes to make it even more fruitful.”

Kelly Shipp's "Ice Blue"

Kelly Shipp’s “Ice Blue”

This has been my life’s journey for the past years; My thinking has changed because it needed to in many ways. Today, if someone says something about me to another that is not true, I don’t feel the need to correct them. It’s not my issue.

There is no one else I want to be. I am enough. Sounds trite, but it’s not. Could easily find myself all ‘up’ in the #MeToo movement or any other current ’cause celebre’.

There IS lots of Fake News out there, but there is also good journalism. I feel blessed to know the differences.

Do I still like hearing fun and funny stories of those on the ‘main stage’?  Of course. Yet, I have changed what I say, read, talk and discuss. And I slip up every.single.day. I’m a work in progress. Hope I always will be.

Post #Seven is: Change what you SAY, read, watch and discuss.

facebook twitter linkedin

Frozen in Time: Forgive Yourself.

FInally! I’ve forgiven myself.fullsizeoutput_2cb4

To say it’s taken me a long time to ‘forgive myself’ is an understatement.  I can say this now, I’m past beating myself up. 

Today: I got this purse in the mail from Sherry Shaw Felts.  Sherry is a school teacher, and during summers she worked with our family to help with my Mother. 

Backstory:

Working as PR Director for an addiction treatment hospital gave me tools to be ‘healthy’.  Combined with therapy it is “HALT” that I say if I get HUNGRY; ANGRY; LONELY or TIRED. ANGER came to me too much. Looking back jealously was a big part of the ANGER. The craziest part of the jealousy is that I usually had everything I ever wanted. I’ve also been the ‘victim’ of jealousy, and it’s not fun.  So why couldn’t I learn from this? I’m not sure, today I’m happy to say I don’t live with jealousy, and am rarely angry.

Early on, backstage at an awards show came face-to-face with an artist whose conversation with me could not be ignored.  He made a very bigoted statement to me that I immediately addressed, and it was much needed. Those confrontations are important, and it’s my prayer I will always be able to KINDLY confront someone who degrades another because of the color of their skin.

There is a difference in good anger and inappropriate anger. Early on, it was hard to differentiate. When I knew my words might get ahead of my anger, I had a LOOK. It wasn’t pretty, but that was my way of keeping my mouth shut.

THEN – someone did it to me. YIKES. That night knew I could never do that to another again. Had to apologize to Sherry.  Yes, I’d done it to someone I really cared about — reasons do not matter.  It’s just not okay.

Sherry was gracious and we’ve remained friends, thankfully. Then today, this handbag came in the mail. Can you even imagine how thrilled I was to receive this?  

Turquoise is one of my very favorite colors. Cannot tell you how long I’ve wanted a turquoise purse. This cannot be a more perfect symbol to me of how, when both parties care about friend or familial relationships it remains ‘through thick and thin”.

It’s called adulting. Maybe I finally ‘get’ it?  

It matters who we surround ourselves with, and while I still have times when I want to scream or blow up (yes, I do.) I haven’t done this in a very long time.  

Recently someone really hurt my feelings. I SO wanted to discuss with her but held my tongue. Waited and prayed that I would not behave in a way that would just ‘hurt her’ too. Did I survive the ‘dis’? Of course. 

As humans, we either react out of fear or love. Today its love that drives me. There is not one modicum of hate or anger in me. It’s been a long process, and sometimes rocky, it’s friends like Sherry Shaw Felts who make it worth it. 

My heart is full.


facebook twitter linkedin